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Books for sale!!

Old school books I'm selling.  If you want to buy them, let me know.  If you live near by, no shipping charge!  :)  These are also available on my half.com account, ktspree13.  :)  Most of these are only $1.00.  Some of the more expensive or more recent books are more money.  :)

Religions of the World (0132240459)
The Essential Sociology Reader (0205283098)
Spoils of Poynton (0140432884)
Free of Charge (0310265746)
The Ancient Greeks ( 0195012488)
Readings in Ancient Greek Philosophy (087220538X)
Norton Anthology of English Literature, vol. 1 ( 0393947742)
Norton Anthology of English Literature, vol. 2 (0393151115)
Basic Issues in Medieval Philosophy (1551117150)
The Full Bedford Introduction to Literature (hardcover) (0312443447)
Paul, Women, and Wives (0943575966)
Mary Magdalene and Many Others (0800627180)
The Oxford Dictionary of Philosophy (0192831348)
Needlepoint (0376045825)
Celtic Needlepoint (hardcover) (1570760063)
Kana de Manga (learning to write Japanese with Manga) (4921205019)
When God Calls Me Blessed (1586605720)
Born in Ice (0515116750)
Ragged Dick (0451524802)
The Spanish Tragedy (0393900576)
Uncle Tom's Cabin (0393963039)
Jean Gerson (0809138204)
Margaret Ebner (0809133970)
Devotio Moderna (0809129620)
Henry Suso (0809129868)
Bernard of Clairvaux (0809129175)
Johannes Tauler (0809126850)
Love and Garbage (0679737553)
Fit and Well Workbook (0073029084)
United States History (0878918442)
Black Boy (0060812508)
Anatomy of Drama (0809005506)
Now You're a Graduate (1586601032)

Not listed on Half.com:
How to Pack
Introduction to Italian, in Italian
Research Navigator Guide, Sociology
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Career Fair Preparation

Preparing a resume to perfection is exhausting!  I've spent all day writing a cover letter, fixing a resume, fixing my CV, writing a references list, and a salary history.  I think I re-did the resume 5 times and still couldn't decide which was the best way to present myself.  It's hard to have a results oriented resume when you've just graduated college and haven't had any jobs that would produce any interesting or track-able results.  I finally finished at 8:30 tonight and then had to get to Kinkos before it closed to make 25 nice copies of my resume.  I have to get to a career fair tomorrow.  I wish I had someone to go with, though, because it might be just a little more fun.  I'm trying to get into the right mood for it, to make it a fun event, but I'm really just dreading it.

It's been a few days since I wrote.  Sunday was interesting.  My family decided to celebrate my birthday (Mar. 27), my sister's birthday (Jun. 2), and my older brother's birthday (July 26) all in one, because we hadn't done mine and my sister's on our actual days.  I got some nice things, though, one of which was a nice leather journal that I have wanted for the past few years.  :)  We went downtown Chicago to celebrate, because that's where my brother lives.  The whole trip was sort of a big complain fest, though.  My mother was frustrated with us all.  The cool thing was getting to see a little of the Transformers 3 movie being filmed in downtown Chicago.  It was cool to walk by where they were filming.  :)  I guess what we were seeing is the point where Chicago blows up in the movie.  Darn!  Spoiler!  :(  

Yesterday I journal'd for a while before looking up the music to The Rocky Road to Dublin.  After playing it on the piano a few times I wanted to try playing in on the recorder or the flute.  I hadn't played either of those instruments in a while, but looking up the fingering for each instrument remedied the problem quickly.  I realized that I can't really play the song on the recorder but had no problem trying to play it on the flute.  It's slow going, but I'll get it eventually.  :)  That song also inspired me to want to play the tin whistle.  I spent the rest of the night looking up tin whistles and which was the best one for a beginner, haha.  I've decided that I want to expand my music repertoire and learn some traditional Irish music on a bunch of different instruments.  It should be fun.  :)  We'll see how it goes.

There's a job I'm applying for with the Archdiocese of Chicago.  It's a Communications Coordinator.  Wish me good luck!
  • Current Music
    Dubliners - Rocky Road to Dublin
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And a new day arises...

Yesterday after dinner, I knew I needed to move out and start to do my own thing.  My father will never learn to butt out of my life if I don't move out soon.  In preparation for that, I cleaned out my entire closet in my room, which took from around 6:30pm until around 1:00am.  I realize that my mother thinks that I will become a hoarder, because I don't throw much away, but I like to hold onto my memories until they don't mean so much to me anymore.  When I'm ready to let go of things, I do.  It's not that I can't let go of them.  I am no where near as bad as those people.  The good thing about cleaning out my closet was sorting through old memories, remembering times I had in High School, and uncovering old stories I had written (and dreams I had made).  It made me glad that I had kept it all, and excited to organize it all into some sort of portfolio.  I don't think I'll ever throw those things out, because the writing is such a part of who I am and what made me who I am today.  It would be like throwing away part of my soul.  If anyone knows that feeling.  :)  I don't think I'm alone here.....

Didn't have to listen to my dad today about what I needed to do with my life, so that was a plus.  Also a plus, I uncovered my copy of The Prayer of Jabez, by Bruce Wilkinson.  This is a great, short read and I am so glad to get the chance to re-read it.  I am trying to get my parents to read it as well, but who knows if they ever will.  I think it's something they should read, though.  My dad a lot more than my mom.  (Side note: Just so everyone understands, it's not like my dad is this horrible person.  We're just too stubborn and he thinks he knows what's best.  I know he does what he does because he loves me, but what I want right now doesn't match up with what he wants me to want.  Therefore, it's tough to live with him, being so similar and so bull-headed.)  

Went shopping for a large portion of my day today.  It was great.  My mom, and two youngest siblings came with to one of the outdoor malls near us.  This one has been struggling for customers for years, but they do have really nice outlet stores there, so I like going.  Plus, hardly anyone is ever there, so it's not crowded to shop.  :)  They had a discount bookstore there, and usually I don't like discount bookstores, because they have crappy books that I would never buy.  This time, though, I really browsed through their collection (which was pretty good), and ended up buying this great photobook.  It's the kind of book that I would want to make, or it would be the book I would WRITE, if I were given a chance to write this kind of book.  It's a huge collection of photos from all around America.  It's called America 24/7 (http://www.amazon.com/America-24-7-Rick-Smolan/dp/0789499754/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1279932482&sr=8-2).  It just makes me happy that there are books like this abound in the world.  I got a few other goodies, but this was probably the cherry on top of the whole trip.  We had pizza for dinner and it was delicious.  My dad is trying to get me a job within the warehouse where he stores his company products.  I've decided that if he does, I'll stick around and work there, otherwise I have to make preparations to leave, and leave soon. 

Bele Chere is this weekend in Asheville, NC, and I wish I could be there.  It was such a great time last year when I went.  But, life is life, and you have to let the chips fall where they will.

I started another blog, reviewing things that I do, read, and watch.  We'll see how it goes.
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Morning thoughts...

You know it's a bad day when one of the first thoughts out of your mind in the morning is, "I can't believe that I have to go and interact with my family.  It's like a ticking time bomb with them, just waiting for them to ask me what my next move is, for my dad to blow up at me, for me to blow up at everyone..."  At some point, they might realize that pushing me to make a decision is just pushing me away.  But by the time they realize that, it may be too late.  It's not that I don't love my family, but I want them to stop trying to direct my life.  What will be will be.

Played the piano earlier today and it was great.  My sister is babysitting for a family who has three kids and she occasionally brings them over to our house.  The littlest one is a girl who just turned four.  Her name is Annabell and she is absolutely adorable.  While I was playing the piano she came in and danced around while I played.  Then she "played" the piano and told me it was my turn to dance.  I don't think anyone else but a child could get me to do something like that.  It was so sweet.

Spent the next half hour trying to get Firefox to stop opening a Yahoo! search page whenever I opened a new tab.  It was a pain in the butt.

I was speaking with a good friend the other night who helped me move toward a path that I have been considering for the past few months.  Because of him, I have begun entertaining the thought of writing again, but really what he motivated me to do is to pick up a book that may help me to recapture the artist in myself.  This is a book I bought about 2 years ago called The Artist's Way.  It is both a spiritual exercise and a creative exercise.  We'll see how it goes.  The conversation we had, though, was just very simple and reminded me why I love writing so much and how much I miss it.  It also made me remember that it is important to connect with other writers or artists, because it is a unique conversation that fills me up so much more than any other kind of conversation.  Thank you friend.  I'm not sure if you even realized how much good our talk did me.  :)
  • Current Music
    Buffalo Girls
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Life is no picnic for a college graduate...

Well, I have officially graduated college.  I have an arts degree in a pretty frame sitting on the spare bed in my room.  My mother asked me today if I wanted to hang it on the wall, but I hesitated because I'm not sure how much longer I can stay at my parents house.  It's hard to live at home when there are no job prospects and your parents make you feel like a bum, day in and day out.  My father believes that I should go back to school right now because if I don't go now, then I'll never go back.  And if I don't go back now, then I need a job that will make me a lot of money to save up for more schooling.  But if I have given up on returning to school, he feels that I can't consider jobs like Starbucks and IHOP because he didn't pay thousands of dollars for me to work at those places.  But what he's concerned about is no longer what I am concerned about.  Can we say Catch 22?    I mean...it's my life!  I wrote earlier, a couple years ago, that someday I am going to make my own decisions without others' approval, and have it work out.  I want that confidence right now.  In fact, I need that confidence.  I feel like I should be starting my own life right now, but I am financially unable to.  While I feel like I'm waiting for something to come along, I also feel pulled to just go travel around the US, living in towns when I need money, and moving along when I have more.  I can't seem to get enough courage to do that, though.  Plus, I'd need a van, and money...  My mom keeps saying things like: "Fine, go do that, but don't complain to me.  I don't want to hear about it.  It's your life, Katie."  I feel like she's really saying, "Don't do this...get a real job, live a normal life."  Like a normal life is going to satisfy me more than an abnormal one filled with different hardships.  I realize that my parents want what's best for me and they're just concerned, but do they not know me enough to realize that I'm not cut out for a normal life?  I want a job where I feel like I'm not really at work...lol.  Not sure if that job exists for me.  Especially in this economy.

So, in an attempt to warm up to journalistic writing, I am attempting to resurrect this blog and maybe do some freelance writing.  But probably not.  I can't ever seem to follow through on projects that I'm not getting paid for.  :p  Frustrated college graduate forced into living in suburbia.  Anyone have suggestions on how to move out of my parent's house and get a job with an English and Theology degree?
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End of the Day Musings

Today I spent much of my time reading Sylvia Plath's book, The Bell Jar, and feeling much like, in my own life, I am on the brink of madness.  I don't think I ever would have read this book if it hadn't been for Donald Miller's book Through Painted Deserts that lead me to the Burnside Writers Collective and an article on this book.  Just as the author of the book review, I find myself resounding with this paragraph from her book, “I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet, and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose…as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.” 

Despite the amazing amount of reading that I did today, the movie that I watched (When Harry Met Sally...finally), and the small amount of homework that I did, as well as the good dinner that I had...despite all of this I am still, largely, dissapointed.  I'm beginning to accept that I need to stop making plans with Megan and let her ask me to do things the hour that they are happening.  I am tired of waiting around and being let down by a phone call that informs me that there is something preventing our plans.  I just can't deal with it anymore.  I won't deal with it anymore.

Recently I just feel like I am stuck in this mood of perpetual dissapointment with life.  I cannot see things in a happy light unless I am distracted by the good mood of others.  Spiritually I am struggling to let God into my life.  I was asked to be a part of the leadership team for the upcoming retreat that St. Teresa's is hosting, but I don't feel like doing it.  I agreed because I am the intern at St. T's and because Tim asked me to do it.  I feel an obligation to be a part of this, but I don't feel that this is the right thing to do.  I don't know why and I wish I could get myself to be convinced that I need to be a part of this shindig.  I'm tired of being on a leadership team with much the same people, many of whom I simply do not wish to work with.  If the Lord has a place for me on this team, he better make it known soon and he better let me in on why I need to keep being around people I do not want to be around.  Well, this is enough ranting for tonight.  When I get my life into a better place, maybe my journals will be more interesting to read.
  • Current Music
    The whirring of my computer
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Family

I  think I've finally realized why I'm clinging to my family so much now that I'm back at college.  It's because they're the only people whom I feel really love me and want to care for and about me.  I don't think I've ever learned to appreciate them so much as I have now.  Absence truly makes the heart grow fonder.  And now I just wish I were home.
  • Current Music
    Maroon 5
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Friday...

Today I was challenged to look at Friday as a celebration of the ending of the week.  I am beginning to realize just how wonderful all of the staff who work in the library are.  They really care about the students who are working there (or at least most of them do).  I feel blessed to be in the position that I am in and that I get to know such wonderful people.  So, today, in the midst of all of the studying and exams, and reading that I had to do, I was told that I should be happy that it was Friday because it meant that there were no classes tomorrow.  It was hard to think of it that way simply because I had so much to do, but I was glad that someone was willing to make me stop and reflect on the little joys of life.  I am entering into a few days of "rest."

I have just now finished my final essay exam for this week.  I had two due this week, both mediocre from my standards but the best work I could due given the time constraints and the limited amount of time that I had to actually read the material (because it was impossible to keep up every week.  I am just not that fast of a reader.).  Before completing this essay, though, I was able to celebrate Friday with my roommate, Cortney.  We ordered a pizza from Hungry Howies, checked a movie out from the library, and enjoyed watching Gattaca with the joy of a cheese and onion, ranch flavored crust pizza.  It was nice to be able to relax before continuing with more work.  This weekend I have two papers to write and, hopefully, reading to do, a quiz to study for, and journals to complete.  I doubt this much will get done, but, hopeful as ever, I have it all on my list.

Sunday is the Sigma Tau Delta English Dept. picnic.  I'm excited to see how many people show up.  It should be a good time.  There are door prizes, free food, good people, and fellowship.  :)  I just hope to have time for everything this weekend and especially the motivation to get most of it done.  Megan asked me to work her 9-10 shift tomorrow morning, and, since her mother was coming to visit, and Megan couldn't find anyone else to take it, I, of course, agreed.  So, alas, I must get to bed soon because I am so tired from all of these essays, quizes, and 8 am classes.

Take care, good night, and until next time...say goodnight gracie.
  • Current Music
    The typing of keys and the voices in the hall.
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Some Thoughts...

Just some thoughts I had a few weeks back:

There is something singularly satisfying about coming back from a long day and being able to wash your feet.

Sometimes I wonder if those who are truly happy are those who know how to have enough fun with themselves and show that off to others without caring about what those others think or whether or not they join in.

Is my life something that belongs to me?  No, it is a jointly owned soul.  Thousands of things take a part of my heart, my life, and demand a sacrifice from me.  And when they are done, when these things no longer have any use for me, or are themselves pulled by some part of their own soul's ownership, it is then when I am left utterly alone, stunned by how unneeded I am, by how I can have no hold on anything but how amazingly owned I am.  Neither do I reach out or take action.  It is like that terrible kayak sickness that Annie Dillard relays from Peter Freuchen in her book "Pilgrim at Tinker Creek," "The Greenland fjords are peculiar for the spells of completely quiet weather, when there is not enough wind to blow out a match and the water is like a sheet of glass.  The kayak hunter must sit in his boat without stirring a finger so as not to scare the shy seals away....The sun, low in the sky, sends a glare into his eyes, and the landscape around moves into the realm of unreal.  The reflex from the mirror-like water hypnotizes him, he seems to be unable to move, and all of a sudden it is as if he were floating in a bottomless void, sinking, sinking, and sinking....Horror-stricken, he tries to stir, to cry out, but he cannot, he is completely paralyzed, he just falls and falls."  I feel that way sometimes.

Thoughts from today:

I don't understand how a restaurant can be unable to get an order out onto a table, and even wose, how they cannot even begin to cook the order an hour after the order was put in.  I was at Buffalo Wild Wings yesterday with friends, and what would have been a normal, fun, and relaxing evening with friends turned into a loud, noisy, frustrating (very frustrating) night.  We left at 8:00 pm for BWW, put our order in at 8:17, and by 9:25 our order was fourth in line to be cooked.  Fourth in line?  I have work at 10:00!  I can't wait around for this!  What kind of establishment lets people sit around for that long?  What takes this place so long to cook food?  I'm not sure if I will ever go back there this year.  That was just too ridiculous.  So, now we are stuck with the task of finding a new place to go on Tuesdays that Megan will eat at, that is a wing place...because what is the point of wing night without wings?

At this point, I should be philosophizing with Socrates and my essy exam, writing my thoughts on Soc's view that all virtue is knowledge and Soc's account of justice in the Republic, but I, as of late, have not been able to bring myself to do that.  Yesterday I worked pretty diligently on my Women in the Bible paper, but did not even start to write it.  Oh wait, I got the first paragraph out, the introduction.  What is it about school that I cannot like?  What is it about my life that prevents me from loving it?  Sometimes I feel like there are just too many hoops to jump through and I want to put the act down and stop.  I want to be at college, and a want a college degree, but I'm tired of all of the work that I have to put into it.  I'm tired of not being able to do all of the work I need to do, and I'm tired of doing the work I need to do.  It's a toss up of wanting it all done at one point in time and not wanting to do it at many points in time.  How can I convince myself of the worth of what I'm doing here?  How can I motivate myself to do something that I am uninterested in?  I am finding my interest gravitating towards Greek and my English class on philanthropy, but that is it.  I find the other three classes that I have worked into my schedule to be tedious, not interesting enough, and not worth my time.  Perhaps it is the texts we're reading, maybe it's the professors or the class discussion.  I am taking a class with Prof. Neidner, and I love the class lectures, but I do not like the book we're reading at all.  I find him to be a brilliant man who has an interesting window into the Bible, but the text we're reading is dry and nothing of interest to me.  To some extent, I wish some classes would take use of modern books that have come ou; books that I am now just starting to be interested in.  Why can't a university update itself?  I can feel the dust settling on my degree here.

One of these days I will take charge of my life.  I will make decisions for myself and I will do things without the approval of others.  I will stride out into the world, decide things, and have my decisions work out.  I will surround myself with the Lord and friends who are invested in him, too.  I will trust others and have friends who give me reason to trust them.  I will have a job that I love, a family who visits me, a modest home to live in, and a man who loves me like life itself.  One of these days I will take care of myself and give God reason to believe that I am taking care of this gift he has given me.  One of these days I won't be so confused about why I'm unhappy.  I will simply know and I will act in such a way to remedy my meloncholy and I will not sit around, mope, and complain to others.  But that day is not here, and I often cannot wait for that day to come.  It is hard to tell myself that I need to stop waiting and start living.

To be fair, I really like a lot about my life.  I am enjoying working; I am enjoying my internship; I am enjoying being a part of Sigma Tau Delta; I am really enjoying the speakers who come to talk at the Church Vocations Symposium; I am enjoying having Cortney for a roommate; I am enjoying our room, even though there have been lots of problems; I am enjoying the outdoors and the weather, even though I do not have time to enjoy it; I am enjoying learning a new language, even though there is a lot of work to put into it and even though I get confused a lot; I am enjoying cooking for myself, even though I still eat too often at the union; I am enjoying getting to know new people.  I am enjoying life, but I am struggling with having to prove myself, with studying.  I am feeling defeated by the education system and have no one to blame but myself.  How do I deal with that?
  • Current Music
    FFH - One of These Days
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Sunday is an epic stratagem

          It is nearing 2:40 on Sunday, and I have yet to do much that is productive with my day.  I have a prayer walk to attend at 3:00 pm and I cannot help but think that I just do not want to go.  I do not have the energy to walk around, pray, and actually care about what we are doing.  I haven't spoken to God in so long that we just need to have it out with each other before I can actually feel good about going around praying to him for things going on in the world.  I have been feeling lost for a little while now, and definitely missing my city, Minneapolis.  I took an excursion to Chicago yesterday just to get a big city feel and came back exhausted with a headache that has carried over into today. 
           There are still things to marvel at today, though.  The beautiful music of Handel, and the amazing sun that is shining outside.  The care package that my grandparents left me.  I feel blessed for what the Lord has given me, but I cannot, at this point, ask him for anything.  I am just not in that position yet.  I need to be able to sit down, tell him what's on my mind, let him take hold of me, and practice on letting him take control.  This year is so busy for me in school and I have been trying to control it all, make it work, and balance schoolwork with a life.  So far I've been doing a bad job of it.  I seriously need to learn that I cannot control the situation and that this life I'm living is a gift from God and as a gift, he needs to tell me how it works, therefore, I need to give up the control.  I haven't made it there yet, though.  I think Megan had a very good point  the other day in prayer group.  School and play shouldn't have to be a balance.  They should be intermixed.  Achieving that is hard, though.  On one hand there is schoolwork, which, if I picked the classes myself and am interested in them, should not feel like a punishment when I am working on it.  Perhaps my problem is not that I have to do this homework, but that I have no one to do it with or no one to discuss it with. Much of my school life has been all about taking in information and never having an outlet for it or sharing what I am learning, on a regular basis, with anyone else.
          I am not used to having so much to do on a regular basis.  Especially so much that I have to plan out.  Haha.  This summer was run on a schedule that I didn't make up and that I didn't have to change on a nearly daily basis.  I do well with repetition and that is definitely not something that I can do with school and fluctuating schoolwork.  I have sitting near me a small pile of sticky notes filled with things I need to get done for classes.  Most of it won't get done by tonight.  Out of this pile four things are of importance for grades (one quiz, two essay exams, and a paper, all due this week), and three things are of importance for meaningful class discussion.  So, how do I decide what is the most important?  It usually falls to what is most important for grades...the big projects that take up a lot of time and, once over, it is possible to begin reading once more for the meaningful discussion part of homework.  But look at what is lost in the process: a week's worth of classes that I have nothing to contribute to.  A week's worth of classes that it wouldn't be much worth for me to attend.  That's ten classes (Greek is not included in this count because it is always worth it to go) that I have to throw away because I cannot keep up.  Ten classes I sacrifice for a letter on a piece of paper.  I'm beginning to wonder at this education system that we have.  It's true that I feel that I am learning when I take on these larger projects, and it is true that I know of these things plenty far in advanced, but there is simply too much to do all in one day or week or even two weeks, to be able to keep up.  The projects are too important to pass up and the readings are what makes the class worth it.
          I take these trips and do things that are good for my own soul's growth thinking that, when I return, I will live better, be better, and have better relationships.  I am beginning to realize that, time and time again, the more I do for myself the more isolated I feel.  The more I take on the less I feel I can relate to others and the more alone I become.  YouthWorks was amazing, but I don't talk about it.  YouthWorks was amazing, but no one asks me about it.  YouthWorks was amazing but I don't have time to process it.

          Life is amazing but I don't have time to live it.
  • Current Music
    Handel's Messiah